Something odd happened to me today. I no sooner got finished telling someone how happy writing makes me, than within hours I felt sick of it. I thought maybe I would drop out of this challenge, even though I never had that thought before. I thought maybe I don’t really like the activity of writing so much that it eclipses all other activities. I thought maybe I don’t really want to publish a book, after all.
I got busy with my day and didn’t think too much about it again until I sat down to write my post just now for Day 13.
A question came up on Facebook on our Write31Days group page, and yet again the very defensive administrator with a lot of bravado was rude in response to my follow-up question.
I decided just to think about her retort; perhaps to address it tomorrow, if not disregard it altogether.
Then I poked around for a bit, and independent of the thought of her curtness or any other specific impetus, I decided on a bit of impulse just to deactivate my Facebook account.
I’m really surprised I did this. And yet I am not at all surprised.
Ever since I started this challenge, and the actual putting into practice-do as I say Breaking Free from Fatigue-I have really been too busy for Facebook. And I also have not been as reliant on it…
Facebook was a perfect go-to when I was fatigued, but now that I am trying so hard to push past the rest it required, I find I not only don’t have the time for Facebook, I also find I am losing interest in it.
For one thing, I have a stack of books I want to read, a party to plan, a bunch of writing to do, and a house to prepare for guests, along with meals to prepare to feed them. Plus, I am still trying to walk 5 miles a day. Just the party prep could take me the whole of the rest of this week. I wonder what life will feel like without the daily connection that is Facebook?
Actually, as this 31 Day Writing Challenge continues, I think going off Facebook is the perfect thing for me to do. It’s such a perfect idea, I really don’t know why I didn’t think of it in the first place.
Perhaps it was because at the time this writing challenge launched, I was involved with 100 Days of Happy Photos, and wanted to finish that challenge, which was also initiated on Facebook. In fact, tomorrow is our last day: it will be exactly one hundred days that I’ve been sharing in the group, mostly daily, photographs of things that bring happiness my way each day (the featured photo above is one I took for this group). I feel a little badly about abandoning the 100 Happy Photographs project, but I can always post my photo(s) here, if I want to. Or, I can explain when I return. I will go back on Facebook in time–I just don’t know when. Perhaps I will wait until this 31 Day Writing challenge is over.
Most importantly, being off Facebook will give me more time to focus on the new habits I am trying to build, in order to replace the physical rest that dominated my days. This will be a great day for me, if not being exhausted ever occurs–a day I’ve long awaited! In addition, I feel burned out on the pettiness that happens on Facebook, which I try most of the time to ignore. I get tired of the superficiality and some of the practices that goes on there. I feel as though I am looking for deeper, more meaningful connections, as I have always had in real life, since I try to avoid wasting time frivolously. When I was fatigued, I had a lot of reading time but not always the best concentration. Facebook was great for little blips of interest, even though I often fell asleep laptop in hand.
Yet, being as communicative as I am, it is difficult for me to spend five minutes and then disappear for six days–or worse, just to post a photo of a contorted cat that says, “Hang in There,” or some such thing, and then move away. I don’t think in soundbites. I may be too expressive for Facebook. Too contemplative, maybe. I don’t like the rituals that remind me of junior high/middle school, even though, again, I rarely let myself be bothered by them. I’m just aware…and I need a break from all of it, apparently.
Besides, now that I am finally beginning to feel like a normal person, I want to return to in person relationships, not just virtual. I think this break is going to be beneficial, although I will probably miss all sorts of important news and changes in people’s lives. I guess someone will have to call me, or I just won’t know…
This move is a big change for me, as I have been reading Facebook posts nearly daily for the whole latter five years or so of my recovery. The operative here is “move.” Alas, movement! This has been my goal for so long. It is exciting to be finally achieving such an important goal (even as my head hurts just a bit still).
Indeed, while almost completely unanticipated, going off Facebook feels like a huge evolution. I mean, I knew I was aggravated with it at times, but I never realized I would be able to make such a swift, clean break. I also guess I never let myself realize just how aggravating it has become. I always tend to focus on the positives, and there are many positives to social networking.
Perhaps blogging fulfills a similar sort of social need that Facebook does? There certainly is not the same amount of interaction. Same with tweeting, I suppose, which is also different from the Facebook culture.
I do worry somewhat that people won’t know what happened to me, since I made no announcement of my leaving, and maybe even that I will lose “friends” I don’t want to lose. But anyone who cares should know how to find me here; at least they say they are reading my blog. All and all, if they really want to connect, I’m sure they will be able to find me some other way other than Facebook.
I don’t think anything urgent will happen while I’m gone–except, OOPS, I was supposed to go pick up a Halloween costume for $6.00 for our granddaughter from someone I don’t know and will no longer have contact information for. Oh, my. Like I said, I really didn’t think it all the way through. At the time, it just seemed like the perfect thing to do. Surely it is better than stopping my writing challenge, no? Better than giving up writing for good? And by for good, I mean for forever. If I have to choose between writing, moving and Facebook, Facebook is going to lose every time…
I do wonder how much time will pass before I return to Facebook. I’m hoping that I at least take the rest of this month off. It’s going to be interesting to see how this goes.
This is Day 13 in the 31 Day Writing Challenge, 31 Days of Breaking Free from Fatigue
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