Today is the first official day of writing for the 2015 October writing challenge that I joined not knowing anything more than that I wanted to commit to writing daily. I’ve already discovered some amusing factoids about this particular challenge that I may be addressing later, most hopefully when I am more awake than I am at the present moment. For one thing, I never got my nap today. Or this morning. Or this evening.
Ironically, I wrote yesterday but not today. Even though, as I said, today was the scheduled first official day of writing. I didn’t mean for this to happen and I certainly didn’t expect this kind of launch…but here I am, going on midnight (did I mention without any nap?), trying to string together something cogent–not because writer’s write, but because I committed to a 31 Day writing challenge.
I am nothing if not dedicated.
So here I am fatigued, writing about fatigue. We’re talking about keeping it real. And not falling asleep at the keyboard. (I do that a lot; do you?)
Let me just say that during this challenge, I would like to write all day every day. I love to write. Even when I don’t write well. Writing is so liberating that even after just one day, I think I am already feeling physically better than I have all week. I mean, I hated today’s news about yet another school shooting, and I am disappointed today got so busy that I couldn’t write until the last minute, but I am still here. Maybe it’s just as well that I am so tired, because with all that occurred today I would want to be writing about that. Now I am too tired to fuss with myself. I can leave those subjects for another day.
I wish that during this challenge I could write all day every day. Given the opportunity, I truly believe that I could write for days on end; that is, if fatigue didn’t stop me. I hope to take at least one day each week of this challenge and do just that. Write only. It will be interesting to see how that goes.
For the blogging part of this challenge, I have chosen Breaking Free from Fatigue as my focus because I have been battling fatigue for eight years now, something I couldn’t even clearly define before I suffered an acquired traumatic brain injury.
So intense a blow to the head was it that it took me years to recover, and I still have the vestiges of post-concussive syndrome that undeniably includes fatigue. You might think that it would have resolved by now, but in truth it has improved notably but not completely. Nearly every day is still disrupted by at least some level of fatigue. I just can’t move at the pace I once did, nor at a pace I can live with.
The truth is that a person doesn’t have to be hit in the head to experience fatigue, which comes from a myriad of conditions and origins. Millions of people suffer from fatigue for all sorts of reasons. Fatigue can be a surprising teacher, and there are both literal and figurative things to say about it.
One thing to know about fatigue is that at all costs, you do not want to suffer it. When a person suffers from fatigue, it is kind of like giving themselves up for adoption, only to discover there are no fit parents available. It’s not at all a fun way to live, because it really isn’t living; it seems more like some form of paralysis. And it is very tough on your body, which needs movement to thrive.
When you suffer daily from fatigue, you just want to get rid of it. With the many new and traditional treatments I have tried that resulted in only small increments of improvement, I have finally wondered if maybe the last vestiges of my fatigue are not being caused by my identification with it.
You know how it is–you do something long enough, it becomes part of your identity. Your psyche takes over and before you know it, your behavior is informed by what you think you are, by what you imagine that thing to be.
I wonder if writing daily about Breaking Free from Fatigue could put an end to my suffering the effects. I want to break free and reclaim my life to a closer proximity of how I once knew it. I know many people are mired in this same challenge. I also hope to prove that a person can return from the hollows of death, can survive, and thrive, even and especially when others have written them off…and that even if they do not, their life is still sacred, still valuable, still worth living. I also want to share (and to finally experience) how a full recovery can not only overcome impossible odds, but maybe even be natural.
So, if you have a challenge in your life, if you need to break free from some pattern of thinking or behaving or being that plagues you–or if you know someone you wish would do the same, I invite you to follow my daily posts to see how I untangle myself from this mess that was not of my own creation…but in the end, may be. In addition, how we can break free even from messes that are of our own creation.
If we have anything to do with who we are, if will and desire and effort count for anything when it comes to change, I hope to show both of us just how it could happen that it is not our maladies that define us, but our determination. I hope to show that on some level the only prison we are in is the one we allow ourselves to occupy.
Come along and break free with me.
This is Day 1 in the 31 Day Writing Challenge, 31 Days of Breaking Free from Fatigue
@ debra valentino, all rights reserved, www.firstlightofevening.com